There was a time....

There was a time when all I need to be happy was my mama.

There was a time when a sleepover was the ultimate party.

There was a time when being smart was totally uncool.

There was a time when I sought your approval.

There was a time when all I wanted was a boyfriend.

There was a time when I was strange and likeable.

There was a time when I cared about what you thought of me.

There was a time when I quit trying.

There was a time when I realized I don't need you around.

There was a time when I didn't need you but still wanted you.

But all these times are past.

And right now, I don't care.

I have bigger and better plans for my life then dwelling on you.

Old habits die hard

When you've got a sentimental heart.

I just had one of the best nights.  I met up with some high school friends I haven't seen a long while, and a couple more I haven't seen since high school.  We just reminisced and caught up.  Drove around with the top down and cranked the rap music.  And it was awesome.

We seriously didn't do a thing.  Sure, we played one round of Wii darts but that was pretty much the low point of the night.  It was so much to fun to just remember the old days, and know that somewhere down the line, this day will be one of the old days and I'll look back on it and laugh.  It's funny how people remember things about you that you don't.  Or how the remember the same day differently.  It's good to contrast and compare.

It was good to feel young again.  I mean, I am young but there's so much pressure on me not to act young.  I'm a professional in training and I need to maintain my maturity level at all times.  But it's too much for a twenty year old to try to be super professional.  I'm not ready to have a profession.  I'm still giving wet willies to my friends, doubles when I can. 

"I guess I'm young, but I feel so weary."

I wish you wouldn't speak

Your negativity is infectous
It eats away at my mind and heart

She tells me not to listen to you
She tells me that what you say isn't important

And I believe her
But I can't keep your words out

I hate that this a part of me
That being around you has made some portion of you
Become a portion of me

I know that what you say is a lie
I know that you're just an unhappy person by nature
And that I shouldn't let myself be brought down by you

But your words still hurt

And you don't give a damn about any of it

Take it back, oh take it back

Missing Out

You're missing out

You
All the boys who've shot be down
Looked the other way
Or looked right next door at my best friends
You are missing out

Because I
Am spectacular.

I am smart.
There is no test I haven't aced
No class I haven't passed
No subject I haven't studied.
I am full of information
Both useful and useless.

I am opinionated.
You will rarely hear me say
"I don't care"
Or "Whatever you think."
Because I do care
And I can think for myself.
I won't be defined by you
But I could help you explore who you are

I am artistic.
I make things with my hands
From the scaves I knit to the clothes I sew
The plates I glue to the stories I write
The collages and the cartoons to the emotions I make on stage
I am a creator.

I am unpredicable.
One minute I'm discussing the psychological aspects at play
in the movie I just saw
And the next I'm dragging you to the park for swings and snow cones
Then we're off on a hunt for the perfect fabric
And then home for some tea and conversation.
I am never boring.

But you

You didn't take the time to notice any of this.

Because you found me physically unappealing
In one way or another.

I'm too tall or too fat
Too ugly or too strange
Too average or too...whatever

I don't look amazing enough for you.

But that's okay.
I don't need to look incredible
Because I AM incredible.

And it is you,
Boy too self-absorbed to notice,
Who is missing out.

Blood was gushing from my you know where

CHARLIE BARTLETT

This movie is incredible.  Absolutely wonderful.  I loved it so very much.  And you can ask Larissa, I spent about five minutes trying to make a word for this movie but nothing came.  It's just so good and funny but touching and fairly real.  Watch it.  And catch me (perhaps) doing this monologue at a local open mic.